Dear God,

now here i am.
sitting on a red old couch.
my mind goes here and there, flying everywhere, imagining every inch of your body i wish i could touch.

patethic, i will always be.

God, why'd you create me?????

what can i do just to be with you? just to tell you that i need you tonight and please dont go...i would do anything for you...

every night i pray, for you to come and save me for all eternity...



dear Allah, the almighty,

i had enough of lying myself, why cant You see that?
i had so enough of standing alone and be lonely, why cant You notice that?
and i had enough of telling people lies and lies just to let them know that im not lonely!
and i had enough of pretending to be independent while i'm not!

..and i had so much enough of crying myself alone at night and why cant You hear that?!

say that,

' it's OK for me to do anything alone, im not lonely, im just being independent.'

such a bullshit of sweet lie just to make myself better from the hard hard situation.

why cant you just make me be the almost same like others? im totally pitiful.


he's all i ever wanted, i always wanted him to be mine..

Just Another Story

loving you secretly might be so wrong.
but i cant take it.
i just love you--and that's it.

i got confused. YOU are confusing.
i just know that keeping a secret--my very own secret--is so damn hard.

something secret should be kept silent.

but i cant take it.
maybe you should know that i am thinkin of you each and every time.
you've come to my sences.
how can i ever be freed of you?


I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

if you're not the one - daniel bedingfield

i am so naive.
i want you. i need you. but i keep telling myself that i dont need you. i lied. i lied to everyone even to myself.

cos im too afraid of falling down.
every love i know is only about pain and falling down.
pain.
hurt.

ive hurt so much.

i know it's not right--loving you. i guess i should do what i should do--stop thinking of you. but i could fall in love with you. secretly.

i cried once, knowing that i love you and knowing that i'll be hurt again. that is why i keep on lying, deceiving. maybe if i lie to myself i wouldnt get hurt. maybe if i lie to myself the feeling will go away.


Fall in love, then it ends
I swear: This will be my last heartbreak
Even the cherry blossom trees shaking in the wind,
Will bloom one day soon.

The sudden summer rain,
Passed by my tears in a quiet stream
A scene so like one from my memories
A summer re-run of a fall drama.

Why do I keep getting done in by the same punch,
And yet still continue to fight?
That's one of life's little mysteries.

sakura drops (english version) - utada hikaru
it's true, i am that somebody, i am somewhere you dont know. and i am thinking of you...

God, please tell me what i should do best.